Being a Light During a Storm

It's hard to stay positive when there is so much pain and sadness in the world. I'm generally the optimistic one in my friend group. The cheerful one people count on for encouragement. But lately, it's been difficult for me to come up with a smile all the time.

And you know what? That's ok.

Sometimes life is amazing. It's full of joy, peace, and hope—all of it is worth cherishing. Other times, life just plain sucks. It's hard and unfair, and no amount of sugarcoating can turn something that is downright awful into something ok.

It's an act of love to let people grieve in the way they need to without offering up some hollow platitudes. Grieving is a process, and it's not always the same for everyone. Some people want to be alone; others want to talk. Some people need help figuring out how to move on; others don't know what they need at all. It takes time, patience and understanding to help someone through their grief process.

You might think you are being helpful by saying their recently deceased loved one is in a better place, but they don't see it that way. All they know is that their friend or family member isn't here, and they miss them. We tend to try and fix people and make them feel better. We're afraid they will break down if they don't have someone to tell them that life is ok now. But sometimes, there are things in life that we cannot change.

What can you do when trying to help a loved one who is hurting?

Hold space for people who are in pain. Be a safe place for them to go when they are especially hurting. Don't try to cheer them up just because YOU feel awkward seeing them so sad. Let them take the lead. They'll let you know if they want you to start breaking out your one-liners.

When someone holds out their hand, offer yours back. Many people need physical contact to feel safe or at ease during times of extreme mental or emotional distress. When someone reaches out to you, it's important to reach back. Say "hi." Touch that arm or put an arm around their shoulder. It's an act of kindness and empathy.