Opening Up to Self-Love: Understanding Love's Many Layers

You might have heard the expression: "You must love yourself before you can love someone else." This statement can feel insulting like you have to be evolved to be with someone else. I remember feeling this way and questioning if I was “enough” to be in a relationship. However, understanding self-love is really important and it truly does impact our relationships with others. 

The truth is that loving yourself and loving someone — and, by extension, being loved — aren't sequential events. Self-love is not a destination you reach and then move on to loving others. We are all wonderfully complex beings, and our capacity to love comes from many different parts of our lives and experiences. The notion that one must be fully accomplished in self-love before entering into a relationship can unintentionally make you feel as though you’re not yet 'complete' or ready for love. And let's be clear: being single is not a sign of personal failing. It's simply one of many life stages.

The beauty of relationships — including your relationship with yourself — is that they often grow with us, reflecting our needs and changes over time. Being in a relationship can act as a mirror, helping us learn more about ourselves. Sometimes, seeing ourselves through someone else's eyes can reveal that we deserve love and kindness — more than we might have realized. This reflection can boost our journey towards loving ourselves more deeply.

It's also worth noting that self-love isn't about perfection. It's about embracing who you are right now, flaws and all, while gently nurturing the parts you want to evolve. One practical way to do this is by writing down three things you appreciate about yourself every day. It's recognizing your worth without conditions or stipulations.

If you feel like you're not "enough” because your journey to self-love is still in progress, take a deep breath and give yourself some credit. Love, in any form, is a growing experience. It's okay to learn to love yourself more along the way. Being single is not a barrier, and it allows you the freedom and space to focus on yourself, your needs, and your personal growth in a way that a relationship might not.

Let's embrace this gentler, more forgiving view of what it means to love and be loved and learn and grow in love together. Whether you're single, in a relationship, or somewhere in between, you are on a unique path that deserves celebration and respect